Friday dawned comfortably and then inched towards 70 by early afternoon. My car had been parked in the sun for a couple hours and was oppressively hot by the time I picked up rapper Sun Zoo. Better known as Charlie Custer to his Brown classmates, his appearance defies rap archetypes.

Harrison Ford sits on the back of an old motorcycle and grips the leather jacket of Shia LaBeouf as they roar across a cobblestone walkway into a quad littered with picket signs and protesters who look straight out of Pleasantville. The air is thick with smoke - Shia squints as he rides - and just as they near the gates by the courtyard, the whole scene stops: the camera crew, riding atop a dolly the size of an Oldsmobile, begins to move back into place and the extras shuffle back to their positions.

Ummm, wrong hole! ... Stop shoving your tongue down my throat … That's not anywhere NEAR my clit ... Lube, please! ... NO TEETH ON MY ROD! Chances are one of these thoughts has crossed your mind whilst getting hot and heavy with your honey. But here's the question: did you have the guts to pipe up and say something about it? Please excuse my Dr.