Slut, tramp, whore, nympho, player. Labels: don’t you just love ’em? It’s unfortunate when you find yourself on the receiving end of a word that brands you as a hyper-sexualized Tasmanian Devil.

But what about the opposite charge, that one of frigid refusal and tightly clamped legs? Prude. This word has sting like you wouldn’t believe. It also has the most nauseating and antiquated of connotations: “Oh no, Bobby, please! Don’t put your hand there; I’m waiting for MARRIAGE.” I imagine that at some point in our sexual careers, most of us have been shamed into feeling like Jessica Simpson after she came out with that weird chastity ring statement just because we said no to a proposed sexual activity. I’m curious about the word prude and its unsavory implications. More than that, I think the time is ripe to mount a defense of the modern-day prude.

For the love of liberated sexual expression, don’t take this column as a plea for the resurrection of that endlessly irritating, conventional notion of prudery. Puh-leaze. I couldn’t make that argument on this ultra-liberal, hippy-dippy, hipster-infested campus even if I wanted to. (And for the record, I don’t.) I just want to know: Should being labeled a prude really make one feel so breathtakingly undesirable? That is to say, does prudery automatically dictate a dramatic downgrade in one’s sexual identity? Or, is it just — as my male counterparts The Hardy Brothers wrote last week —simply a different mode of sexuality? A preference for quality over quantity?

First of all, what does prudery even mean in this day and age? I’m almost tempted to pronounce the term obsolete, a relic from a time when chastity belts for frisky wives and daughters were still seriously considered solutions to curbing promiscuity. And while we’re on the topic of women, is prudery a gendered stigma? You betcha.

SIDENOTE: For all of you Smiths fans out there, you may know that, among other things, their leader singer Morrissey built his image on a dedication to celibacy. If you know this, you may also know that his indifferent attitude towards sex made him the hottest wet dream of gay males from the early ’80s on. Compare Morrissey’s years of refusal (also the name of his most recent solo album) to Britney and Mandy and Christina’s inability to make it in the entertainment industry without trading their good girl personas for provocative hot/sexy/dirty girl images. Bullshit double standard? I think so.

As I was saying before, sexually frustrated men and boys have hurled the allegation of prudery at women and girls who don’t put out for centuries. Not that this accusation isn’t employed in same-sex sexual relations as well. I’m sure you hear it there too. But trace this word prude back to its roots, and it becomes clear that it is undeniably gendered. Outmoded too? Well…we’ll see.

The OED describes a prude as “a person (in early use esp. a woman) who has or affects an attitude of extreme propriety or modesty, esp. in sexual matters.” The etymology stems from a French spelling of the word “proud.” To call a man a prudhomme (literally, proud man) singled him out as productive, noble, successful, and wise. Switch the gender, and a prude indicates a woman too proud of her sexual honor to give it up to just anyone.

Okay, pride. Let’s play a word association game. Dignity, self-regard, self-esteem, and— oh hey, look—self-respect. Push aside all the unappealing associations with the word prude, you hit the real issue we’re dealing with: self-respect. It’s a tiny kernel of good stuff buried underneath a mountain of contempt. Nine times out of ten, we miss this aspect of the word completely. When you add self-respect to your definition of the word, “prude” no longer works as a pejorative label.  Whether you’re a guy or a girl, straight, gay, or somewhere in between, your sexual decisions come down to self-respect. And that’s different for everyone. Understanding what self-respect means for you requires identifying the kinds of sexual expression that allow you to wake up the next morning still feeling good about yourself and your choices.

Each sexual encounter requires a negotiation between partners to figure out where both of you stand on this issue. When two partners have imbalanced notions about what’s okay and what’s not regarding sex, that’s when the indictments start flying: “You are” and “S/he’s a prude.”

In conclusion:

Next time someone calls you a prude, insinuates it, indicates that your boundaries don’t matter, or that you’re not worth it unless you go farther than you’re comfortable, here’s my advice: Fuck ’em. But not literally. Because that douche doesn’t deserve you.

Again, the blog’s up and running: www.sexperimentation.wordpress.com