October 16, 2009 | Feature
Oatmeal, saying you’ll explore Providence, intending to go to lectures
Stuff Brown Students Like
article by ellen cushing
Oatmeal: This stuff has Brown stamped all over it: It’s cheap enough for even the brokest among us, it’s vegan/gluten-free/kosher and probably satisfies any other weird dietary restriction Brunonians like to inflict on themselves, it’s got that vaguely hippie vibe, and it’s practically begging to be stolen from the Ratty. Seriously, what’s not to love?
Saying you’ll explore Providence : All freshmen at Brown experiences a short-lived, blissful delusionary period during which we convince ourselves we‘ll actually make it off College Hill and go to a restaurant other than East Side Pockets or a bar other than Liquid. Providence is actually a cool city, we tell ourselves. It’s the Renaissance City! It’s so full of authentic New England culture! Let’s go to Federal Hill and experience the true Italian way of life! Take RIPTA to Cranston and see how real Rhode Islanders live! F*ck the Ivory Tower! Providence is so gritty and alive!
But we’re lazy, and East Side is f*cking delicious, and about five months out of the year walking outside farther than three blocks will make your face freeze off. So after we’ve come to our senses and realized these facts, we’ll spend the remainder of our four years merely talking about exploring Providence, or, for only the very ambitious among us, recounting that one time we took the bus to Newport and it was soo coool.
Intending to go to lectures: Let’s be real: the number of people who’ll actually go to the latest lecture on whatever obscure scholarly topic we managed to get someone to talk about this week is vastly, vastly dwarfed by the number of people who will tell their friends they’re planning on going. Because going to lectures is like reading Tolstoy, or threesomes, or smoking: it only really means anything if other people know you’re doing it.