High-Waisted Skirts: No, no, no. NO. No. If we could rewrite Farenheit 451 and replace books with high-waisted everything, mom jeans, fixed-gear bikes and those stupid, shapeless, unflattering and clearly uncomfortable neo-Pilgrim post-pirate leather boot-shoes, and then make it reality, we would.

Gillette Fusion Power: Like being at the helm of a nuclear submarine, shaving with this marvel of technology fills one with simultaneous fear and confidence resulting from the raw power at one’s disposal.

Shopping Period: Better when it refers to sales at J Crew, but I guess we’ll take a week of drinking and attending ten-minute class previews followed by an inevitable week of panicked existential crisis when you realize you don’t like any of them, and you don’t know where they meet.

Spicy With: Better stolen than paid for, and better blacked out than coherent. Hi mom!

Syntax: If you’re going to make an elitist t-shirt making fun of another elitist institution, you should probably get this one right. It should read, “Harvard: Since not everyone can get into Brown.” Also, don’t buy this shirt.