Dear Hardy Brothers,

Is it different for a man to eat a woman’s vagina than to receive head? Is it considered “slutty” if I, as a man, perform oral sex on a woman on the first date?

Hungry,
Loves Cunnilingus

Frank: I’ve been thinking about blow jobs a lot lately. Here’s the oral breakdown: a woman “gives head” to a man, or, more crudely, “sucks him off.” A man “goes down on” a woman or “eats” her “out.” The former term is polite enough to be unisex; other terms for blow jobs, however, are far less so. My favorite is from Superbad when Becca tells Evan, “I’m gonna give you the best blow-jay ever. With my mouth.”

Basically, the fact of the matter is that the discourse surrounding male-to-female oral sex is comparatively respectful—or even prudish, depending on your point of view—when considered against the way we talk about female-to-male oral. But what about actually doing it? It turns out the same social conceptions more or less apply.

Rightly or wrongly, a blow job on the first date might raise on eyebrow or two (“Should I take this girl seriously, now?” the questioning goes). If you perform cunnilingus on the first date though, especially if you perform it well, you’ll likely be regarded as a rare and special find—a “keeper”—to be treasured forever and possibly recommended to friends. Many men have phobias about the vagina (and some women do, too), the most common of which is probably a distaste about putting their mouth down there; actually, come to think of it, of really doing anything down there that doesn’t involve sticking something in. So, if you as a man reveal yourself to be enlightened enough about the vagina’s many other charms (and virtues!)—even if you are a little overeager about it, L.C.—you’ve probably found yourself a regular thing with this girl if you want it… as long as you don’t say anything too stupid.

And I’m sure you’ve already discovered this, but to all our male oral-newbie readers out there, here’s a tip I was blessed with early on in life by my favorite older female camper. If you combine oral clitoral stimulation with a finger inside the vagina (you can experiment with different rhythms), and you do so successfully, you might just graduate from the school of oral with a dual degree and honors.

Joe: The thing about first dates, L.C., is that you have to do what feels right. Sometimes that may mean hitting the books, what Kal Penn refers to in Van Wilder as “study[ing] the great American art of muff diving.” But it can also mean a polite kiss on the cheek to say goodnight.

In case you do find yourself with an eager and willing partner on the first night out, Frank and I wholeheartedly encourage you to take the plunge. But there are a few things you should know first.

Harder, faster, stronger does not necessarily mean better. While some of us may refer to the activity as “eating pussy,” it doesn’t mean you get to take a bite. When it comes to your technique, less can be more, and sloppiness is rarely appreciated. Lick lightly at first, and then increase your speed as things progress.

Secondly, like Frank suggests, don’t forget to use your hands. Have you ever met a woman that didn’t enjoy sensual stroking during the act? Neither have we. Caressing her body while you’re going down is a sure recipe for success.

Finally, feel her out. The only way to know what she enjoys is to try several techniques the first time down there. As your eyes may be distracted, try to listen for her pleasure signals. Once you’ve found a method that she enjoys, don’t change paths as she approaches orgasm.

Speaking of orgasms, remember as you lick, flick, and suck, that while making her come is nice, pleasure is the ultimate goal. Make sure you don’t pressure her, or yourself, to achieve orgasm—especially on the first go-around. Follow these simple guidelines and going down on the first date should be a breeze. If she appreciates your eagerness to please, she’ll definitely invite you back for seconds—slutty or otherwise.

—xo xo The Hardy Brothers