As I was watching the now infamous 2009 VMAs (Kanye West, I’m-a to let you finish), I saw a promo for a certain “reality” show featuring one of the more vile creatures known to man. In this promo, Kristin Cavallari, noted she-devil returning to The Hills his fall, lights up a sign proclaiming, “The Bitch Is Back.” While I neither watch nor care to watch the Hills, I do have a penchant for awful TV and boast an intimidating, embarassing compendium of Soap-ish television knowledge. So, to commemorate our Soapiest and guiltiest pleasures of the recent past, let’s take a look at some of the more salacious conflicts—and their players.
First, some vocabulary. The word “frenemy” refers to a relationship between two people, usually teenage women, who are painstakingly devoted to interacting as friends, but who both harbor not-so-secret distaste and disdain for the other party. You know these girls. Any gaggle of chicks—usually with perfect bone structure—who dedicate time to subtly sabotaging each other socially. They voraciously feed off the conflict, like beautiful drama-vampires, sustained by attention and tears.
Two words, three syllables: The O.C. Unless you’re from Guam, you’ve undoubtedly heard of this juicy slice of Orange County, California. It was the best example of the first classic-yet-trashy new TV show. We were all captivated by the weekly drama between the “tortured” and unreasonably attractive Marissa, Summer, Seth, and Ryan. While not all of us could relate at the time to the teens’ problems—rogue pearl-wearing cougars and other afflictions of the über-wealthy—we were able to identify, perhaps superficially, with at least some of the high-school fuss.
The O.C. foursome was a constant volley of conflict. There was enough beef going around to open up a McDonalds (oh snap!). While Seth and Ryan had their share of spats, theirs were never as bad, or as frequent, as Marissa’s and Summer’s catty warfare. The girls went from being BFFs to “oh my gawd, we’re like totally sisters” to frenemies and then back to just sort of friends again. They employed the art of mental manipulation, like only girls in high school (or girls in the high-school mindset) can. This, coupled with their bad acting, skyrocketed the novelty of the show, making it the Soap to watch. But—spoiler alert!—once Marissa died in 2006, we were left without the ever-captivating bitch dynamic.
That is, until the fall of 2007, when we were graced with Blair and Serena, our Gossip Girl darlings.
Along with the rest of their friends (Dan, Chuck, Nate, and Little J), the girls filled the agonizing drama void. Blair and Serena’s relationship in particular has been riddled with fierce—that’s right Tyra,fierce—social skirmishes since day one. After a slew of fights, they make up and are friends again. It’s tender, but boring.
Fortunately for us, peacetime is short. While they’re both at Yale, Blair tells one of Serena’s dirty little secrets, they take it outside, and Serena ferociously rips off one of Blair’s precious headbands – the Upper East Side equivalent of a hair pull. Sadly, they make up—again. Yawn.
Thankfully though, with this fall’s return of Gossip Girl, we’ve been able to enjoy a whole new slew of drama. While we may have to wait a bit for the combustible ball of estrogen and vodka tonics better known as Blairena to fully implode, the ever-benevolent TV gods have delivered the sexy-ish Georgina Sparks to stir up some more trouble. And a new pair of frenemies to love is Annie and Naomi from90210. So go forth and watch your favorite frenemies duke it out with “nairtinies.” But remember folks, keep the drama on TV.
