“What am I truly thankful for? Mario Badescu Drying Lotion, and the courteous pace at which an ice cube melts in a glass of bourbon.” – Alexander Ascenzo Logan

Last year, we attempted a two-pronged approach at Thanksgiving, discussing first the drink and then the food of this finest of holidays. We now realize how grave of a mistake this was (cf. Neville Chamberlain, Louis XVI-XVIII). Nothing we say here will have any impact on what anyone eats or drinks for Thanksgiving; this day is so firmly ensconced in family tradition—be it a balls-to-the-wall haute cuisine affair or a lesser one—that the words of two East Coast douchebags who happen to have print space on the backside of your crossword should rightly fall, like anything Sean Quigley has ever had to say about the communications-transportation paradigm, into the category of those not heeded. The point, of course, is merely to reflect on the basic meaning and importance of Thanksgiving, which, though highlighted by a fantastic meal, is in truth just a parallel to the appreciation and understanding of things deserving celebration that is shared across all cultures. Though we’re not anthropology concentrators (since pre-gaming FishCo with saketinis is not our idea of studying), we can think of no society that does not have some sort of harvest festival; indeed, the recognition of bounty and togetherness that characterizes Thanksgiving seems intrinsic to our humanity.

Furthermore, the holiday itself is devoid of the extremely false consumerism, unsettling (for some) religiosity, and questionable mythology that are so last-generation. Of course we all know the classic story of how the Pilgrims arrived at Mohegan Sun, blew all their gold and indentured servants on the slots, and relied on generous natives to keep up their Jaeger supply through the first tough winter. But nobody really celebrates because of that. And the palpable sense of home, especially for us displaced scholars, is simply irreplaceable and casts into relief all those things we simply never appreciated when we had the pleasure of living at home all the time.

So rather than offer a bunch of half-assed, over-complicated, and truthfully untried recommendations, we urge you simply to forget the food (OK, dear god don’t  forget the food) and instead take the day as an opportunity to appreciate your family, your home, and all the other important things about life that we so often forget while wrapped up in our lives of shuttling textbooks across campus and complaining about the quality of Blue Room coffee.

That said, and though we’ve actually yet to try it ourselves, we’re very excited to try our hand at Thomas Keller’s leek bread pudding given in the New York Times last month. We suspect it would go very well after the chicken liver mousse and alongside the cranberry-blood orange chutney, but before the brioche stuffing and bourbon-maple glazed turkey.

Filed under: Food & Booze by Ted Lamm
Comments Off

As winter slowly tightens its chokehold on the greater New England area, we increasingly turn inward for comfort and solace. We draw warmth from our friends, our family, our significant others…and most of all, from hot cocoa. But remember—you’re in for a long, cold winter, and you’ll need something more than just Swiss Miss.

The Basics: If you’ve been writing papers, holiday shopping, or fantasizing about warmer climes, and your creativity has been utterly exhausted, you can always rely on these simple additions to jazz up your cocoa: peppermint extract, chocolate syrup, marshmallows, hazelnut syrup, and, of course, cream. These are traditional and tasty, but if you’re willing to put in a little more effort, the possibilities are endless.

Maple Syrup: Add half a tablespoon each of maple syrup and vanilla extract to each cup of cocoa. It’s sweet and nutty, and a little heavier than your typical hot chocolate. Also, it adds a slim veneer of legitimacy to your oft-professed desire to move to Canada.

Anise and Orange: Zesty, flavorful and a bit more mature than you’d expect. Add a teaspoon of ground anise and a tablespoon each of cinnamon and dried orange zest for every five cups of cocoa. Ideal for sleety afternoons when you don’t want to be so comatose that all you can do is sleep.

Tea Hot Chocolate: A disclaimer: I thought of this before I’d even heard of Tealuxe. You’ve been paying $3 for a drink you can make yourself. Gentle reader, prepare to be empowered. Boil some water and brew the tea of your choice, then add hot chocolate powder to the tea. It’s that easy. The choice of tea is limited only by your imagination. If you want something traditional, berry or mint teas are a safe bet. For the more adventurous, Earl Grey, English Breakfast, or even ginger teas add some unexpected flavor. Be careful, though, not to overbrew black teas.

Eggnog: The two drinks that define the holidays come together. It’s like seeing Jon Stewart interview Anderson Cooper. It’s perfection in the field of warm liquids. Mix milk-based hot chocolate and eggnog in equal proportions, adding some sort of liqueur if desired. Serve as a delectable surprise in place of the last-minute eggnog that comes in milk cartons.

Mexican Hot Chocolate: I saved the best for last. This one’s the most involved and the most adventurous but, by far, the most delicious (apologies to Canada). Begin with four cups of milk and four ounces of dark chocolate. Add one vanilla bean, split lengthwise. Include one teaspoon each of cinnamon and instant coffee powder, and chili powder to taste. Believe me, the spiciness makes it special.

It’s not quite winter yet. It’s not pitch-black at 4 p.m., the streets aren’t covered in crisp white snow (or brown and dirty sludge), and we still—sort of—have the will to live. For now, the occasional packaged hot-cocoa-on-the-go suffices. But when true winter hits, and you find yourself in need of a pick-me-up nearly every day, remember this: variety is the spice of life.

Filed under: Food & Booze by Anisha Sekar
Comments Off

Along with discovering the efficacy of inexpensive boxed wine, the ubiquity of Ikea furniture, and the inherently obnoxious nature of acapella groups, it is in the unsupervised college milieu when we stumble upon the most important realization of all: sleeping more than one to a bed—especially if that bed is a cheap, standard-issue dorm room single—is an unexpectedly difficult affair. Going into college, we’re warned about the dangers of unsafe sex and the anguish of breakups, but no one ever mentions the trauma of sleep deprivation deriving from a second body in one’s bed. No one warned me about this. These days, I am very, very tired.

Some informal polling of friends and cursory internet research revealed that I’m not the only one who struggles with bed sharing. People complain about the myriad issues that contribute to bad sleep arising from slumber + 1. Skin-to-skin contact poses a problem; it presents too much temptation to engage in other, conscious activities. Your partner wriggles, jerks, flails, snores, or spread-eagles (in the un-fun sense), making it impossible to nod off. Regardless of how docile you and your partner are as sleepers, all bedfellows must contend with the worst dilemma of all: unless you’re drunk or under the glorious influence of Ambien, cuddling and sleeping are mutually exclusive activities. You cannot do one if you’re already engaged in the other. If one wants to cuddle and pursue the mythical position that allows both of you to remain entwined while simultaneously reaching an unconscious state, you have yourself a problem.

Don’t believe me? Would science convince you? In 2006 at the University of Vienna, Professor Gerhard Kloesch and his colleagues ran a study that concluded human beings do indeed sleep better alone. Sleeping together generates disrupted sleep patterns and leads to higher stress levels in conscious states the next morning. The problem arises partially due to the paradox of human nature: we crave company, but we also want our space.

However, the ultimate root of the problem lies in the semantics of the matter. With the passage of time, sleep and sexual intimacy have grown increasingly interrelated. In fact, the two ideas have become so inextricably linked that they’re now considered synonymous. (But the meaning only works one way. Sleeping with someone means having sex, but having sex does not necessarily indicate that you’re sleeping in the same place. Something to ponder before bedtime tonight.) The conflation of the two activities has become so absolute that when you tell a friend that you’re sleeping with someone, that friend is going to assume you’re doing it. Maybe you do intend to communicate that you’re having sex, but unless you have a history of sleep fornication (which, according to my research, is rare indeed), f*cking has almost nothing to do with that other common bedroom activity that yields K-complexes and delta waves.

As the verb phrase “sleep with” has become tantamount with having sex, sleeping separately from a sexual partner—especially a long-term, socially acknowledged sexual partner—has become an increasingly stigmatized practice. Not sleeping in the same bed now indicates that something is wrong between you and your partner.

However, sleeping and sex are not the same things at all. You have an option with sex— you can have it alone or with someone else. Sleep, on the other hand, has always been a solo activity. This is an important distinction to keep mind.

So if, like me, you’re suddenly patronizing Blue State with much more frequency than you used to, I say fight the stigma; sleep in separate beds. It’s really okay.

Filed under: Sex by Post- Magazine
1 Comment »

Dear Hardy Bros,

I’m a non-practicing gay who’s recently started thinking about playing for the other team. I like the better odds and hope to have an easier time finding what I’m looking for, minus the penis. Could you brief me on the differences between sex between the sexes, and sex within them? No need to cover the basics – just let me know when I can’t treat a lady like a tramp (and don’t bother trying to tell me there’s no difference).

Thanks boys,
Back In The Closet? Help!

Frank: You may have noticed, dear readers, that the only things I love more than sex are my baby brother and self-promotion. I especially love self-promotion when I can combine it with my baby brother. Therefore, I wish to celebrate a very special first for us Hardy Brothers. B.I.T.C.H.’s submission marks our first letter received from a writer who identifies as gay (well…sort of, anyway). So thank you, B.I.T.C.H., for paving the way for future letters from gays and for making this column and your Hardy authors that much more gay. I am pleased to report that our column has been in existence for long enough now to have amassed enough Hardy theory that for the first time ever we are able torefer back to previously published columns! But before I indulge, I want to thank you, readers, and remind all of you out there in Newspaper Land that we need your support now more than ever!

Replenish our question bank with your potent seed! Please e-mail your letters to thehardybrothers.thepost@gmail.com. Once again, all submission are, of course, considered anonymously. Joe and I can’t wait to hear all about the confusing, question-worthy sex you’ve been having, Brunonians. Go Bears!

As to your questions, B.I.T.C.H., the differences in sex between the sexes has been debated as far back as Ancient Greece. Mike Binder considers it in a more contemporary light in his movie The Sex Monster, where a husband convinces his wife to have a threesome with another woman. When she resists on the grounds that she won’t know what to do, he counters that she has the “home-court advantage”–which proves amply true. Obviously, B.I.T.C.H., if you bid the cock goodbye, you’ll forfeit that home-court advantage. But don’t despair—what you’ll lose in familiarity you’ll make up in what we might call the “lubrication advantage” (usually—it depends on the woman). Just take it slow. It might be a good idea to use the base system and run through each base in the proper order and at your own pace. Like Socrates before you, let your own Diotima, whoever she may be, show you the ladder of love, one rung at a time.

JOE: As I have never had sex with another man, let alone switched teams in the middle of the season, I sought the advice of a dear friend (and recent Brown alumnus!) with extensive experience in both matters to help answer your inquiry, B.I.T.C.H. Let’s call my friend Shercock Holmes.

Shercock argues that “re-closeting yourself because you can’t find a man is lazy.” Though I’m not prepared to call you slothful, B.I.T.C.H., it seems as though your newly inspired quest for pussy is misguided. The “non-practicing” preface to your identification as gay indicates either a disillusionment with standard courting rituals, or an intentional celibacy, neither of which are likely to be remedied by encounters with women.

In fact, dating chicks could make things worse. Shercock points out that while most men don’t care how their partners identify, women care…a lot: “If you have sex with a girl, and she finds out you are gay and simply using her as a guinea pig while you ride out your dry spell, she is going to be angry.”

Furthermore, if “better odds”  are the reason that you’re considering women, then you’re playing the game the wrong way. The Internet, and its plethora of dating sites have made hooking up easier than ever before (see: manhunt.net, or, for general local gay info, edgeprovidence.com).

But if unwritten reasons still propel you towards sampling something new, you should know that hetero-hooking-up culture can be much different from that of homosexuals. Although data on this topic is mixed at best, within the anecdotal confines of Brunonia, gay men are much more serious about safe sex than their more laissez-fare, straight counterparts. Don’t be surprised, then, if you’re partner tells you to “play the tip,” or just “put it in.” But just because you’ll be playing on new turf doesn’t mean the old rules don’t still apply. At least one study conducted by a professor at UCLA found that bisexual young men faced the highest risk of HIV.

So whether you’re a switch-hitter or in a committed relationship (not mutually exclusive, by the way!), remember Weezy: “Better wear a latex! ‘Cuz you don’t want that late text. That ‘I think I’m late’ text!” Or that “I have a sore, and health services says its herpes,” text.

—xo xo the Hardy Brothers

Filed under: Sex by The Hardy Brothers
Comments Off

Illustration: Katerina Dalavurak

Ian Gray’s bedroom is not what you would expect for a stereotypical frat boy.  Multicolored teacups hang from the wall.  On the desk lies a tea cozy and a selection of bags: Earl Grey, English breakfast, peppermint.  A keyboard lies propped in the corner and an American flag dominates one of the walls.  Opposite the flag, a projector hangs from the top bunk of a wooden bunk bed.

To Ian Gray and Jeff Herman, sophomores and proud members of Alpha Epsilon Pi, this is home.

Brown University hosts six fraternities: Alpha Epsilon Pi, Delta Phi, Delta Tau, Sigma Chi, Theta Delta Chi and Zeta Delta Xi.  Movies like Animal House typify frats as a loud, politically incorrect party.  Frat boys are portrayed as sports-obsessed beer-drinkers who never seem to make it to class.  But Gray and other Brunonian frat boys dispel these labels and describe the frats more as a community of friends.

Gray transferred to Brown from DePaul University in Chicago, a Catholic school, which, as he described, “was not the best place to come out.” Though he pledged AEPi at DePaul and had a gay big brother, Gray says Brown is generally more liberal and open—qualities he says translate across the Greek system as well.

“De Paul is more socially conservative, and it’s harder for gay kids in general,” he said. “It’s not the university’s fault, it’s a product of the student body.”

While Gray has had a positive experience with Greek life at Brown, he experienced some homophobia when he visited University of Michigan—a school where fraternity life is more prominent.  He made the trip there with his roommate Jeff Herman.

“I heard some homophobic slang, but it was not directed at us,” Gray said.  If you were a brother, you would be respected. They had immediate respect for fellow members.”

Another difference he noted between the AEPi chapter at a big-name university and the one at Brown is that the activities are more monitored by the university here at Brown, something Gray thinks is positive.

“You can’t get away with as much as at DePaul. The frats are much more protected by the university . . . Wriston Quad is a good place where people in and out of frats can live together.”

Gray’s decision to rush again at Brown came from a senior he met at WBRU who had made close friends in AEPi. He also found four friends who lived in his hallway that wanted to join too.

“It’s a lucky miracle that we all ended up in the same place,” he said. “It’s the right way to do it, to start off with a community of friends from freshman year that grew to include a larger community of brothers.”

It is the community aspect that Gray describes as the best thing about being in a frat—besides the Thursday night Chipotle runs and Monday night football.

“It’s nice to be able to walk down the hallway and find friends to hang out with on a whim,” he said. “There is no place else you can find friends like that.”

Gray, a native of Chicago, initially decided to attend DePaul University to try to graduate from high school early. When he couldn’t, he stayed on at DePaul while he tried to figure out where he wanted to earn his degree.

“While I was looking at colleges, Brown was at the bottom of my list,” he said.

Ultimately, he ended up at Brown because of his high school teacher, Andy Kaplan. He introduced Gray to the Progressive Method—a philosophy in education that stresses student-directed learning—and told him to take a look at Brown because he thought it would be a fit for him.

Despite his initial ambivalence to the school, Gray is almost as passionate about his Brown experience as he is about AEPi.

“It’s really just a group of cool nerds,’” he said. “This is an environment where your mind is constantly being expanded. The best thing to ask at Brown is: ‘Tell me something I don’t know.’”

In addition to AEPi, Gray, a philosophy major, writes papers for Brown philosophy conferences and works as a DJ for WBRU.  He also fixes old computers as a hobby, the evidence of which is lying on his desk.  He and Herman take the American flag off the wall to host movie nights and project videogames. The flag was a present to Gray from his congresswoman when he worked as a page in Washington D.C. Though never a Boy Scout, Gray knows how to fold the flag properly and brags that it “has yet to touch the ground.”

An only child, Gray has a good home life and gets along with his parents, who he said were supportive when he decided to come out.

When he came out, he said, “I just went up to my parents and said ‘I have something to say to you. My mother asked me if I wrecked the car and I said, ‘No. I’m gay.’”

Though Gray joined a Jewish fraternity and attended a Catholic university, neither of his parents practices their religions. His father is a cultural Jew and his mother was raised Catholic.  He went to DePaul because it was only four blocks from where his parents lived.

If he has any complaints about frat life here it is only that it seems inaccessible to the rest of the student body, and that even Brown cannot rise above the Animal House stereotypes.

At a university where only 12% of students go Greek, fraternities and sororities make up a minority community. Gray and a few of his brothers at AEPi believe that Brown students are closed to Greek life in general. Gray said that he hopes the university gives the student body a better chance to understand them.

Another openly gay fraternity brother, Xander Tabloff, a member of Sigma Chi, has had a similarly positive experience at Brown.

“Honestly, I joined a fraternity because my friends were mostly girls, and since I want to be a lawyer, I wanted to have a better understanding of interactions between straight males.  It’s one thing you need to know to be successful.”

Tabloff cites the diversity at Brown in general as the main reason Sigma Chi and other fraternities are so inclusive.

“I’m dating someone who goes to Harvard, and he comes up to stay about every other weekend,” Tabloff said. “My roommate doesn’t care. We had a formal here last year and I brought him to that and everybody was fine with it.”

Gray’s friends and fraternity brothers, sophomores Scott Linstone and Eliot Tang-Smith, said that like Gray, they fell into fraternity life by chance.

“I never expected to join a frat,” Tang-Smith said. “In fact, my girlfriend made fun of me when she found out I was pledging AEPi. It just seemed like a group of really cool people.”

Like Gray, neither Linstone nor Tang-Smith are practicing Jews and both joke that most people join AEPi for the food.

That appears to be a selling point for Gray, as he cleans his teacups and puts away the sugar and lemon. He has a plastic cheeseball dispenser under his desk and a jumbo size box of York mints on top.

“This is our home and you need to take care of your home,” he said. “That’s why I always have food in my room. I almost bought $7 caviar the other day. It’s really important for your home to be inviting to guests.”

Filed under: Features by Anne Artley
Comments Off