If I were visiting Brown, I might pick up The Brown Daily Herald to get a sense of the student voice.  Maybe I would read a couple of articles to find out what is going on and, “Oh look,” I might say, “There are comics on the back page!”  A second later I would realize that I would never get that second back.  Soon, I’ll wonder how such a brilliant student body could create such atrocious comics.

Being a Brunonian, I feel like something must be done. If I cared less, I might let it slide, but does anyone else scratch their head after trying to justify a joke that is just… not there?

I don’t mean to be harsh: I know the artists are just trying to create lighthearted humor.  But someone had to say something.  I feel a deep void in my stomach where laughter should be.

Although it’s cliché to inform you, my dictionary widget defines comic as, “causing or meant to cause laughter.” But as I sit at breakfast each morning, I read the comics only to find a caliber of humor vaguely comparable to the quality of the scrambled eggs on my plate.  Frankly, I find the fact that the Ratty microwaves bananas to ripen them funnier than comics about fruity characters saying stupid things.

Some of my friends have tried to defend their favorite comics.  They like the idea of squeezing as many jokes out of basic geometry as possible.  I guess that’s fine, because after all, it must be difficult if it takes two math geniuses to come up with those jokes. You also have to love the gems about self-conscious dictators and whiny anime characters.  And only after an intense BDH comic sesh do I realize how hilarious it is to spend too much time playing Pokémon or browsing Facebook.

Perhaps nonsensical comics are the way to go.  There is a place in my heart for spontaneous blips of silliness.  Cute talking animals have their days, and sometimes have me chuckling despite my utter confusion.  You laugh because you cannot explain it.

But I could get the same laugh by giving a second grader paper and pastels and saying, “Go nuts!” Unfortunately, giving college students pen and paper somehow yields the same results.

But who am I to criticize the comics?  People might retort: “if you are so vocal about the comics, then why not make one yourself?”

I thought about this, and I can give you a few reasons why not. First, humor is subjective, and it is hard to please others (as this column is quickly proving).  Friends and life’s funny moments make me laugh; everything else is second rate.  Secondly, I can’t draw for beans. And thirdly, my funny bone is broken.  I am writing this just to make the comic artists angry.

Comics are something to which you should look forward, and they are an integral part of our newspaper. Some schools don’t even have student-drawn comics, so for that, kudos. But… the end of the paper should be the cherry-on-top, not the stale end of the loaf.

The funnies are for the people who don’t want to read the paper—or don’t have the willpower. They are for the people who don’t have the time to do a crossword puzzle or fill out a grid of mathematical mind-busters. Sometimes we just don’t have time for your big words, Herald. So when the disparity between the quality of your writing and the quality of your cartoons is so glaring, how are the goobers among us supposed to get our daily laugh?

And don’t even get me started on Vagina Dentada.

Sincerely,

Your Biggest Fan,

Ben Dann