BAD SEX

shit brown students ask

Dear Beej,

The young lad I currently buy drugs from keeps hitting on me. Not very offensively, just casually asking me to hang out, have lunch, go to WaterFire, etc. He’s nice, but I don’t find him attractive, and really I just want to buy his quality product (plus I think he gives me a discount). I feel bad about using him for drugs—but he’s a drug dealer, so that’s his job! Should I continue buying drugs from him? How do I keep this relationship professional?

Thanks for the advice,
Mary Jane

Dear Mary Jane,

You certainly do have a problem here, and I applaud your initial “don’t shit where you eat” instinct—god forbid you find yourself in a Jennifer Connelly-esque scenario as per Requiem for a Dream. Yet, when one thinks of poor Jennifer prostituting herself for heroin, can one deny the practicality of her decisions? What better way to score free drugs than to strike up a sexual relationship with a dealer? My inner Suze Orman is piping up right now, and she’s saying “Lock that shit down!”
On the other hand, you could also stop doing drugs. They’re illegal and bad for you.

D.A.R.E. to be different!
Beej

Dear Beej

I really want to bone my FemSex facilitator. Phe’s the foxiest phe I’ve ever met, and I’m feeling the sparks during section. Problem is, we’ve both taken oaths to FemSex not to hook up, which of course makes everything all the hotter, being forbidden and all. I want to remain faithful to the covenant of FemSex, but as each day passes my resolve wanes, and one thing might just lead to another. Should I just go for it?

Fem-Sexually Inhibited,
Ze

Dear Ze,

May I first take the opportunity to say, FemSex is heterophobic. I applied as a straight upperclassman twice and was rejected both times. My gay sophomore friend applied once as an underclassman, and, bam, was accepted. Next time I apply, I’m threatening to spread STDs until I receive my sexual education.
As to your question, I’d be in support of anything that undermines the philosophy of FemSex. Strike up an intense sexual relationship with your facilitator, then feel free to discuss it openly at meetings. Perhaps that might encourage others to express similar sentiments they might have harbored. And then maybe FemSex will have degenerated into a poor guise for a weekly sex party.

Snaps to that,

Beej