brown student responds to the haters
To: [student] <firstname.lastname@example.org>
On November 2 at 1:19am you purchased $6.54 worth of merchandise from Lil Joes convenience (see register receipt below). The register communication was down at the time of the purchase, so your Bearbucks account is now overdrawn for $6.54. Please visit a campus valueport or the cashiers office to add funds to your Bearbucks account. Valueport machines are located in Faunce House, The SciLi lobby, Rockefeller Library, Gregorian Quad, The Brown Office Building, Sharpe Refectory and Emory.
Failure to rectify your overdrawn status may result in disciplinary action.
SU CHK REFNO LISTFILE
20 7017 6009555201721835
Chk 7017 Gst 0
185 Evans WS5ALilJos-1
CE: 185 CC: 20 TC: 20
Trn 2276 Nov02’14 01:19AM
D i n e I n
1 ALL SMALL CANDY 1.35
1 POP ROCK WATER 0.90
1 FRITO LAY 4.29
Bear Bucks 6.54 X
Subject: Re: Negative transaction at Lil Joe’s
From: [student] Xxxxx Xxxx <email@example.com>
Date: November 3, 2014 at 8:50:40 PM EST
To: [administrator] “Xxxxxxxx, Xxxx” <firstname.lastname@example.org>
On November 3 at 7:47am, I received your email detailing my ultimately unauthorized and disgraceful purchase of a Take-5 Bar (see “SMALL CANDY”), a bag of Tostitos® Hint of Lime white corn tortilla chips (see “FRITO LAY”), and, perhaps most regretfully, an individual packet of watermelon Pop Rocks.
I (hereafter referred to as “the snack consumer”) would like to issue a formal apology. Obviously, the snack consumer should have factored in the possibility of dysfunctional register communication at the time of purchase. The snack consumer understands that he is completely to blame for the unfortunate events that transpired on and around 1:19am on November 2, such that the unapologetic and slightly threatening tone of your email is entirely justified.
The snack consumer deeply regrets his oversight, and, following your advice, has promptly deposited no less than six dollars and fifty four cents into a campus valueport machine, least his overdrawn status result in the disciplinary action ominously foreshadowed in your email.
Finally, the snack consumer would like to extend his most heartfelt apologies for any negative effects this temporary deficiency in funds may have had on the University’s operations; he hopes that normalcy can be restored now that the funds in question have been returned.