quantum entanglement

analysis of the mega stuf to double stuf cost to stuf ratio in the standard nabisco® oreo® chocolate sandwich cookie tray and its potential as a chocolate substitute

Introduction

Since the conception of Valentine’s Day as a romantic holiday by Geoffrey Chaucer in the 14th century, the Feast of Saint Valentine has been an occasion for people young and old to procure love with chocolate.[1] In young college-aged people, the drive for such love is particularly acute. But college-aged peoples are increasingly unable to bear the cost of purchasing the necessary cocoa-laden offering to their beloved due to the current economic situation (See Appendix A: Picture 2, “The Empty Wallet”). A frequently used stopgap solution to this burgeoning crisis of love is the substitution of chocolates with Nabisco® Oreos®, which contain cocoa in their chocolate-y wafers. Consumers who choose to do so are then faced with the cost-benefit analysis of purchasing either the Double Stuf or Mega Stuf Cookie with incomplete knowledge of the Stuf gained per dollar (gStuf * $-1).[2] A multidisciplinary team of scientists from Brown University was commissioned last year using funds from the university’s Salomon Grant to investigate.

Methods

Stuf from n = 20 Mega Stuf and n = 30 Double Stuf Oreos® were weighed using a PG503-S Mettler Toledo anti-gravity remote sensing scale, which can detect vegetable oil on a subatomic level.[3] The Stuf was extracted with the S.C.R.A.P.E. method along the horizontal surface plane of the dominant chocolate wafer. In cases where Stuf propagated irregularly onto the recessive wafer, the S.C.R.A.P.E. method was applied again and the detritus Stuf lost during the interwafer propagation event (IPE) was collected and blown upon gently by a technician within 5 seconds of contact with the laboratory floor.

After collection via S.C.R.A.P.E., the Stuf was massed in a MERCK™ aluminum foil weighing boat. All apparati were cleaned between trials via the National Institute of Health’s standard lambi linguā (licked with tongue) method.[4] Saliva was subsequently removed with an artisanal silk rag. This process was repeated for all n = 20 Mega Stuf and n = 30 Double Stuf Oreos®.

Results and Recommendations for Consumers

The Mega Stuf Oreo® had an average Stuf mass of 9.6264 gStuf*cookie-1 with a standard deviation σ of .5569 gStuf*cookie-1, while the Double Stuf Oreos® had an average Stuf mass of 6.7204gStuf*cookie-1 with a standard deviation σ of .5863 gStuf*cookie-1. Thus, the Mega Stuf Oreo® cookies have an average Stuf mass 2.906 gStuf*cookie-1 greater than their Mega Stuf Oreo® cousins, with approximately the same standard deviation seen in the Stuf mass of both cookies.  However, the Mega Stuf Oreo’s® superior Stuf mass does not necessarily make it the best gStuf*$-1 value for the average consumer.

Both packages of Oreos® cost $2.98 on Amazon.com©, but there are n=30 cookies in a standard 15.35 oz tray of Double Stuff Oreos® and only n = 20 cookies in a standard 13.2 Oz tray of Mega Stuf Oreos®. Taking these factors into consideration, we calculated that there are on average 192.528 gStuf in the average package of Mega Stuf Oreos® and 201.612 gStuf in the average package of Double Stuf Oreos®. The primary difference between the two is Stuf density, as the Nabisco® corporation distributes the same amount of Stuf in the 15.35 oz Double Stuf Oreos® package as in the 13.2 oz Double Stuf Oreos®. This finding may also indicate that the National Biscuit Company produces Mega Stuff Oreos® at a lower cost*cookie-1 than their Double Stuf counterparts, but this is just speculation.

The consumer ultimately must decide between more cookie or Stuf, as there is no demonstrably significant price advantage to buying one cookie over the other. However, it is the opinion of the author’s significant other that Nabisco® Oreos® are a poor substitute for chocolate due to their complete lack of similarity in taste and texture. Further studies must be conducted to determine the validity of this statement with regard to the taste preferences of the wider population.

References

  1. Allen, F (2014). Bus Stop Ramblings for the Weary Traveler. Self-published. Ch. 4.
  2. I read that on the package.
  3. Kipling, Rudyard (1895). Standards and Procedures of the National Institute of Health in these United States. Scratch and Itch Publishing. Section 3-A (467-98).
  4. Tsoukalos, Georgio, A (2006). Ancient Aliens: Fact or Fiction?. History Channel USA. SO2 EP6.