• November 30, 2018 |

    a life fraught with living

    a poem

    article by , illustrated by

    In those rare minutes
    of true silence
    I sit and wonder why
    the good times seem to worsen
    all bad and battered things
    that follow in their wake

    Oh tell me you have felt
    that extra-bitter truth of losing love
    having known its sweetness

    Tell me, you too
    have torn the fruit tree
    limb from limb,
    sucked the nectar dry

    and found yourself
    with nothing
    but a pit of your own making

    wide enough
    for you to spin
    with arms outstretched
    and still catch hold of nothing

    But maybe
    one can hope
    that in the inverse
    lies life’s twisted consolation:
    The bad times often serve
    to make the good times better, brighter

    sifting through the silt
    to dredge up shiny, lustrous things

    Or maybe
    the Good and Bad exist
    not to stoke the other
    not in spite
    but in perfect ignorance

    And you remain

    the only point where they both touch

    your heart beating
    good-bad, good-bad,
    good-bad, still undecided.

    Oh, this burden of knowing them both!
    this burden of toeing the line between
    like a sea-worn rope, tethered to nowhere

    And you are the tide,
    always the tide

    and maybe in the best of times
    you are the ship as well,
    and maybe in the worst of times
    you cling,
    a barnacle to this rusty, shell-shocked world

    afraid you are too much of both
    scared you are not enough of either

    Yet, in truth, the thing I fear the most
    above all else
    is the day
    when I stop caring what I am.
    not much is more listless
    or depraved
    than an indifferent soul.

    So, I’m content to toe the line
    for now

    Pushing
    towards the Good
    Pulling, tearing
    away from the Bad

    And maybe I may never come to rest,
    And maybe I may never truly learn,
    And maybe I may never know myself beyond my name

    But maybe—oh I survive in the hope—
    that it’s enough
    just to know I’m trying.