• December 6, 2019 |

    finals playlist

    tunes to procrastinate to

    article by , illustrated by

    Well, folks, here we are again. 


    You’re back on campus after another Thanksgiving break has flown right by. All that work you were going to catch up on after a day of Netflix-binging and turkey-eating somehow never materialized and, well, you’re probably procrastinating right now by reading this. Of course, the end of Thanksgiving marks the beginning of a festive season! Ah, you can smell it in the air: the stress, the anxiety, and the “wow, time really flies” nostalgia. You guessed right! It’s finals season, and it’s a worry wonderland out there! So, for the last issue of post- this semester I have yet another finals playlist for you: the soundtrack to your next cram session, with a few minor tweaks of the lyrics you know and love! (As part of the last issue of the decade, I have great music spanning from the ’60s all the way to the ’10s.)


    post- Break Euphoria: Someone’s happy! It looks like you got the break you so desperately needed, and some time with family and friends, and, most importantly, food has replenished your dwindling supply of serotonin. Things are looking pretty good;, you’re a regular bundle of joy! As you drive back to school, you can’t help but sing along, looking forward to the happiest season of all! 


    In the history of music, never has any song been more overplayed; then again, no song is yet more of a bop than this singular piece of holiday wonderfulness.


    All I Want for Christmas is You (Mariah Carey): 

    ♪I don’t want a lot for Christmas

    There is just one thing I need

    I don’t care about the presents

    Underneath the Christmas tree

    I just want you for my own

    More than you could ever know

    Make my wish come true oh

    All I want for Christmas is you♪


    Editing these lyrics would be equivalent to blasphemy, so I shall refrain. 


    Alternatively: So Thanksgiving was, um… yet another insufferable family catastrophe. You were already stressed with school and everythingall you have due after break, and, to add to that, you witnessed a classic family argument. BetweenAmidst relatives chastising you for not having a life and, your professor sendings out midterm grades— and welp, looks like you’re going to need a 125/100 on the final to get a C!— You’re clearly not in athe “festive mood”: 


    Let Me Sleep (It’s Christmas Time) (Pearl Jam): 


    ♪Heaven knows nothing of me

    I’m lost, nowhere to go

    Oh, when I was a kid… oh, how magic it seemed

    Oh, please let me sleep, it’s Christmas time

    Flowered winds was where I lived

    Thought you burned, not froze for your sins

    Oh, I’m so tired, and cold♪


    Alright! For those of you physically averse to Christmas music, that’s the last of it. I shall return to the regular old “Dad Music” and the occasional “wow, look I’m so cool” indie music. 


    Last week of Class: It’s a wrap!? When you walked into class, for some reason your professor started outlining the structure of your final project. You think to yourself, “What?! Why is he doing this so early? We have so much time left.” You turn to the person next to you who’s equally dazed and confused (I’m giving myself a “nice” for that one), then frantically check canvas and realize the semester has indeed come to a close. “How is it all already over! I was going to fix my grades, my friendships, my life!!” 


    Ten Years Gone (Led Zeppelin): 

    ♪Then, as it was, then again it will be

    And though the course may change sometimes

    Rivers always reach the sea

    Flying skies of fortune, each a separate way

    On the wings of maybe, downing birds of prey

    Kind of makes me feel sometimes, didn’t have to go

    But as the eagle leaves the nest, got so far to go♪


    Final Night Out: It’s time to make some memories before you part from your friends that are now basically your family! Yes, you have a lot of work. Yes, you have a paper due on Monday that’s worth 30% of your grade, but you’ve earned this break! 


    All Right Now (Free): 

    ♪There she stood in the street

    Smilin’ from her head to her feet;

    I said, “Hey, what is this?

    Now maybe, baby,

    Maybe we’re in need of a drink.”

    I said, “Hey, what’s your name?

    Maybe we can see things the same.

    “Now don’t you wait or hesitate

    Let’s move before they raise the parking rate.”♪


    Reading Period: This one, of course, depends on whether or not your professor is willing to give up their precious time. God forbid you miss one last lecture to, oh, I don’t know, review material on the exam. That last night out kinda bled into a few “final” nights out. While that hangover cures, you’re out desperately hunting for a seat in any goddamn library. Your quest finally leads you to find the most uncomfortable sofa in the corner of the SciLi/CIT/Leung/Annmary Brown Memorial. As you breathe a sigh of relief, you begin to come up with a gameplan. 30 minutes later you’re all set; your plan even includes breaks and has you ready for your exam half a day in advance so you relax! This, of course, calls for a YouTube break! 


    We all know how this ends….. 


    Help Me (Joni Mitchell): 


    ♪Help me

    I think I’m failing

    Orgo again

    When I get that crazy feeling

    I know I’m in trouble again

    I’m in trouble♪


    Armageddon Has Arrived: This finals season has completely changed your perspectives as to what a hell week is capable of being. Somehow your luck parted ways with you big time, and you have two finals on a Sunday! You roll out of bed five minutes before exam time and trudge through the snow, trying to avoid yet another panic attack. As you settle in, you can see the smirk on your prof’s face as the entire room begins to lose their shit. “Well, there goes my one A.”


    Cool (Soccer Mommy): 

    My Prof. has a heart of coal

    She’ll break you down and eat you whole

    I saw her do it after school, he’s an animal

    She’ll break your heart and steal your joy, like a criminal♪


    Final Final: Your mind is miles away from this final, you’re focused on getting the heck away from finals peril. You realize you should probably be worried but let’s put it this way: You have, as the saying goes, “0 f**ks to give.” “There’s always next semester, I’ll kill it then!” 


    That’s All (Genesis): 

    ♪Just as I thought it was going alright

    I find out I’m wrong, when I thought I was right

    It’s always the same, it’s just a shame, that’s all

    I could say day, you’d say night

    Tell me it’s black when I know that it’s white

    It’s always the same, it’s just a shame, that’s all♪


    “That’s all folks”: Yet another semester has come to a close. Everyone’s leaving and, as your roommate walks out the door, you feel a void growing in your heart—even though you literally never talked this semester. As you pack up to head back home, you recollect the whirlwind of things that happened over the course of just three months. The amazing people you’ve met, the friends who’ve helped you through hard times, the things and places you’ve discovered, the amazing post- articles you’ve read. It’s unfathomable that you have to leave for an entire month! As you drive past campus on the way to the airport, you realize just how much you’ve learned—you’ve grown and just can’t wait to be back! 


    Come Sail Away (Styx): 

    ♪I look to the sea reflections in the waves spark my memory

    Some happy some sad

    I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had

    We live happily forever so the story goes

    But somehow we missed out on that pot of gold

    But we’ll try best that we can to carry on♪


    I hope everyone has a great holiday vacation and a not too stressful finals period! 


    Here’s the full spotify playlist!