• January 31, 2020 |

    new semester resolutions

    (and how you’ll break them)

    article by , illustrated by

    Welcome back! Shopping period is in full swing, and a whole new semester with endless (and hopefully all good) possibilities awaits! In the spirit of the new year, and the brand new semester, you might find yourself making a few resolutions—AKA minor tweaks to your otherwise perfect lifestyle choices—which may look something like the following: 


    The Liberal Education Seeker: You told all your friends you were going to Brown because of the “Open Curriculum” and because you were drawn to Brown’s Liberal Education. For some reason, though—and this is really funny—you ended up taking five STEM classes your first semester 👀. Anywho, it’s time to really make the most of your liberal education and take that really interesting seminar on the “geopolitics of memes.” Nothing can stop you now! 


    How you’ll break this one: To quote C@B: “⚠️This section is full” and “⚠️Instructor override required.” To quote your instructor: “I apologize, but due to the overwhelming interest and limited spots available in the class….” 


    The Better Note Taker: Last semester you realized you were really bad at taking notes at the most inopportune of times: the night before your final. So over break, you may have watched a few YouTube videos on note-taking hacks, and you’ve now returned fully geared to show off your newly acquired note-taking prowess. You even begin to plan how much you’ll sell these notes for. As the professor walks in, you take position: pen in hand, notebook on table…


    How you’ll break this one: Your professor, five minutes into class: “Lecture capture will be available so that you can review material you might have missed after class.” Well, I guess that means you can always take notes later. 


    The Hobby Picker Upper: “It’s college—time to learn a niche skill that will set me apart from my Ivy League peers. Maybe I should learn to play the guitar,” said literally no one ever. So you scour Facebook to find a cheap acoustic guitar and find a few YouTube guitar tutorials until you can play the first two chords of “Wonderwall.” 


    How you’ll break this one: Just ask anyone who’s tried (so, the person selling their cheap acoustic guitar on Facebook). (All jokes aside though, if you really want to learn, you should!) 


    The “Let’s join ALL the Clubs” Tryhard: On your drive back home last semester, the FOMO really hit you hard. Of course, the only obvious solution you can think of is to sign up for a bunch of clubs that only vaguely spark interest as you walk past their tables at the activities fair upon your return to campus. 


    How you’ll break this one: Well, for one, you probably didn’t even make it to the mid-year activities fair. If the poor advertising and even poorer timing of the activities fair didn’t lead you astray, the missed email or rejection letter definitely did. 


    The Meal Plan Aficionado: Thanks to some frequent commenter on Dear Blueno, you decided last semester that the only right course of action was to choose the Flex 460 meal plan…and, well, last semester you may have taken the “flex” part a bit too seriously. Now, I’m not accusing you of indulging in Baja’s a few too many times, but let’s just say you probably don’t even remember the difference between credits and points anymore. As part of your elaborate New Year’s scheme to save money, you decide to only dine on campus this semester and use every last credit you have. 


    How you’ll break this one: It’s a cold winter night. You’re walking up Thayer, shivering, the snow hitting your eyes. Suddenly, a burst of light, warmth, and beautiful music suddenly hits you, and the smell of warm food lures you in. It’s okay, no one has to know. 


    The SciLi Shunner: You had a rough finals season spent mostly entirely in the SciLi. So, after some sheer miracles (by which I mean your tireless effort) occurred, resulting in your somehow getting all A’s, you’ve decided that you’re better off without ever seeing that dreary hellscape again. 


    How you’ll break this one: This one isn’t on you, it’s on your professor(s) and that “40% of the final grade” midterm.