• September 17, 2020 |

    types of people in zoom lectures

    article by , , illustrated by



    I feel like it might be a good idea for me to stop talking trash about the universe in my articles. Well, as the saga continues and the universe is still for some reason not in favor of my being happy, I’m back with my bud Gus with a list of the types of people you can expect to see while you’re out there shopping at Zoom University. 


    The Unmotivated GTA: Technically here to help the professor, but spends most of the class drinking “coffee” or worrying about their dissertation. 


    The Unmotivated UTA: Here to help the professor, pretends to be having internet trouble the entire class.


    Invisible Man:  You get the idea. 


    Tech Support: The person who’s helping the professor make sense of Zoom. Gives clear and patient instructions to a person who literally used a typewriter for their dissertation, and lord are we thankful to them for actually talking in front of their peers.


    Silent Stan: This person will occasionally say things (you think???), but really it’s impossible to tell if they’re paying attention because their mic is never on.


    Should I Stay or Should I Go Now: (You know, for when you don’t know if it’s ok to leave a meeting and everyone is making weird faces and shit.) Whether at the end of a TA Q&A or a recruiting Q&A, everyone here clearly wants to leave, but no one wants to make the first move of the exodus—much like most Brown events once you’ve gotten your free t-shirt and food.


    The Background Beast: Is this person actively traveling during a pandemic, or do they just have a greenscreen behind them? You don’t know, but you’re pretty sure it’s just that they have the world’s largest collection of backgrounds. 


    Pajama Party: The person whose video is at a really weird angle to conceal the fact that they are still in bed in their jammies, but honestly you’re just glad to see that someone is getting some sleep right now. This person might at some point drop into intense slumber. 


    Pro Gamer Bro: This person is intensely staring at the screen, too intensely to actually be paying attention to anything other than the League of Legends game on their separate monitor.


    The New Romantics: These two people accidentally ended up in the same Zoom breakout room once and it’s been love in the time of Corona ever since. You will constantly see these people a little over eagerly enjoying class, constantly typing. Little did you know that they are paying attention to anything but the professor’s screen, and they’re in their private chat room on Zoom being not very PG-13. 


    The Homies: This group is constantly laughing, even when the professor has not made a joke, and it is clear they are in another, separate group chat discussing the events of the class. Bonus points if you can identify their athletic/interest affiliation. 


    The Sleepless in Singapore: Pour one out for our buddy Chris and all the international folks that couldn’t make it back. This person is living one hell of a red-eye life…


    The Ghost: While technically enrolled, you have neither seen nor heard this person in any lectures, and at this point you are wondering if they’re even taking the course. 


    We know that it’s tough out there but we can make it through this, and sometimes the little things can brighten up our day. On that note, remember, if you’re feeling sad, you can always offset those emotions by writing extremely kind BBAs about all the people in your Zoom class. Go for it, the world is your oyster!

    Of course, if that’s not your jam, we’ll be here with fun articles and quizzes every week!