if it weren’t for you meddling kids
a scooby-doo autobiography
Content Warning: Mentions of eating disorders and body hatred 4 I’ve got a bump on my head the size of an egg and a cartoon dog is to blame. So what if I slipped racing back to the television? I wanted to see the climactic reveal! Finding out who’s really under the creature mask […]
the funny, bad, and unfortunate
I went on a couple of dates with this girl I met on Tinder. She was cool, but she was intense in every single way that I wasn’t—like talk-about-hardcore-pornography-over-breakfast intense. I have not been able to look at yogurt the same way since. Anyway, I figured we weren’t really compatible. But when she got up […]
what’s coming after that?
future hndrxx and his misery
Because we live in a malicious free market economy and I have decided to make my living in print media, I find it therapeutic to imagine that all rich people are secretly miserable. If Gossip Girl taught me anything, it’s that you can’t locate happiness in the diamond section of Vera Wang (or whatever they […]